Ming’s Mind

Welcome all readers! =D
Traveler’s Guide, a new blog segmentation from me.
This is a new marketing mix strategy I’m using to target all of my dearest readers who prefer lots of pictures in a blog.

~Less texts, more pictures, only in Mingy’s TG~

All you need to do is sit sweetly on your chair and wait for the pictures to load~

So,
this October 2007, I went to Jakarta on Lebaran/Idul Fitri (Muslims new
year, they are on Mudik/back to their villages so the traffic is not
crowded during this time) holiday. I was staying at Le Grandeur hotel (the name was Dusit).

[above is half-doggy style me XD]

It’s
a VERY nice hotel equipped with broadband internet connection, TV with
more than 60 channels to choose from, and so sleepable nice beds in
every guest room.

[the hallway of Le Grandeur]

It’s
very secure since all vehicles entering hotels and malls are checked
whether they are carrying bombs and each floor can only be accessed by
the certain guests living on the certain floor of Le Grandeur by e-card.

The night scenery of this hotel was exceptionally beautiful because of its lighting and the fountain on the front.

[holding my laugh bcuz people were looking :p]

It
has swimming pool, spa, hot spring, sauna room, restaurant, bar,
convention center, fitness centre, cafe, wine shop, and souvenir shop.

[the pool]

[the fool]

[...he needs an instructor XD]

[hot spring, the sauna room is also here]

[the gym]

[We call this sport 'Ping Pong' in Indonesia]

[wine shop]

[souvenir shop]

[posing in front of the restaurant]

Guests
(2 adults and 1 child per room) are invited to the free breakfast
buffet in Kafe Mangga Dua everyday during their stay to enjoy a wide
choice cuisines; Indonesian, French pastries, Oriental, Western, all
you can eat.

[Kafe Mangga Dua, where you get your breakfast, quite spacious, and full music too]

[patiserrie]

[I like them smeared with tomato and chili sauce, yum~!]

[I love them long, hard, raw, and... XPPPPPPPPPP]

[the menu is different everyday]

[fruits and strawberry pudding, they've got no ice cream DX]

The
rate of this hotel is only IDR 600.000/nett (USD 60) per night and you
can get all these luxuries offered along with our typical Indonesian
hospitality.

As
some of you might’ve known (very well), one of my favorite things to do
is shopping, which of course can’t be separated from malls. If shopping
is your idea of spending your holiday, These are the malls that I
suggest:

1. Mall Kelapa Gading
2. Taman Anggrek Mall
3. Plaza Senayan
4. Senayan City

They are the most famous malls in Jakarta and  they are huge.

[the famous Kopi Luwak XDDD]

[They're just everywhere~ I'm doing the analysis on it for my final marketing assignment]

[all Indonesian cuisine section at Mall Kelapa Gading]

[love them, so pretty!!!  ...expensive too XD]

Mall
Kelapa Gading is better for middle class people seeking for standard
quality stuffs, the other three (especially Senayan City) target those
upper middles, lower uppers, and uppers whose cup of tea are those
high-quality stuffs, international fashion, and expensive dining; some
shops made me think more twice before entering them :p

[they price their items at ridiculious prices ~.~]

[they hate me for taking these pictures w/o buying XD]

[so pretty]

[too pretty]

[Starbucks' cakes]

[the
most famous bakery in Indonesia: BreadTalk; you'll have to queue for at
least half an hour to purchase those buns and cakes]

[I was told to not take pictures by a security dude who thought I'm a Japanese while taking the pic above lol]

All
of those malls have wonderful ( and huge) foodcourts with lots of kinds
of foods available, just get your tounge ready to taste all the amazing
Indonesian cuisine (well, all kind of food are available, A-Z)

[Plaza Senayan]

[I love their chocolates~]

[Remember Singapore's Kaya Toast? This is their branch]

[another ridiculous pricing :p]

[Another branch from Singapore, Crystal Jade Restaurant, we ate here]

[Being Mingylicious before eating something delicious]

[Food were superb, price as well lol~]

[Taman Anggrek]

[Their clothes are nice and comfortable~]

[They reminded me of Spongebob XD]

[every girl's dream ...what about bulldykes?]

[In Coffee Bean Taman Aggrek, went there to meet my lovely old elemantary schoolmate]

Now
one problem you might encounter during the travel here is language as
most Indonesians can’t speak fluent English and some wouldn’t
understand more than ‘yes., no, thank you, good bye’ phrase — which is
gonna be a problem for you. My suggestion for you is to learn the most
basic Indonesian which you’re sure will come in handy when traveling
here, i.e. berapa harganya? [how much is the price?] etc.

[I'm tired of commenting below everypic :p]

[Another Ted Baker's creativity, I so wanna see this guy]

[Yes,
these pictures from CK are taken in Senayan City (remember Vivo City in
my Singapore blog?), this mall beats all the malls in Singapore]

[ I can become a viewfinder real soon~ sneaking one]

And
don’t forget to never hesitate asking for direction or whatever when
you got lost or looking for something [some malls DO have poor
directories], Indonesians are the most courteous people you’d ever
encounter although there are some douche bags tew of course~
[look
for friendly-looking people, especially Chinese, because most of us are
better educated and more civilized; if some people look rude, they are
rude].

The DON’Ts in Jakarta:
1. Walk on the street while carrying or using valuable items [like cellphone]. The thieves there are horrible.
2.
Getting into a cab except those ones from Blue Bird company [colored in
blue although lots of fakers too] and always check  if the driver has a
driver’s ID before entering the taxi [in the front of the car]. A lil
bit more about this is that they like playing dumb
with passengers, telling them that they don’t know the directioneven
when they’re actually heading to the most well-known places in Jakarta.
I suggest you to leave them be to stay out of trouble and always make
sure before you get into the cab whether they know the direction you’re
heading to.
3. Cussing at people; ths is not a free speech country.
4.
Drink yourself drunk in a club, and especially girls, do NOT drink
anything from strangers, they have drugs that could make you feel to
sleep at once; a rape or rapes + video take is expected and the worst
thing is some of the sedatives they use could make you sterile.
5. Make out in the public or do any kind of Public Display of Affection as the people in Indonesia are not used to this.
6. Have sex without condom/other means of protection from HIV for a lot of people [moreover sex workers] have been infected; it would even be better if you stay away from this thing [practice safe sex, go fuck yourself].

Have a safe trip someday to Jakarta~!

*poke*

[Being silly at the lobby XDD]

The most delicious chocolate wafer in the world:


A surprise lollipop from Le Grandeur while we’re away lol:


And I’ve bought clothes for Chinese Spring Festival, YAY~!!!! [I love surf shops!]

Love,
Ming

All passengers welcome aboard! Thank you for choosing to fly with Scary Airline …which you will soon regret.

All our crews are specially untrained and our planes are the oldest and cheapest planes available to assure— No, Sir, please sit down, we’ve locked all exits. Hey! Tie that geezer up will ya mothafuckahs?! — the dodgiest, the most unpleasant, and the most life-threatening flight of your life.

If you check under your seat you won’t find any life vest available if we should — and we are proud to tell you that the probability is high — make a sudden landing on the water, so its either you have to be able to swim or die.

We don’t have any oxygen masks available should air pressure exceeds the normal when we’re flying to high up to see how long you can hold your breath — and please don’t worry about your baby girl Ma’am we’ve got special baby parachutes *pulls out*, so you can break the window and throw her out when it’s necessary. Our windows are easily broken *bang bang* ~ *creaking sound* so there’s no need for you to worry at all.

While the plane is taking off I would like to share some titbits that I’m sure all of you would love to know. One of the planes in Indonesia had suddenly disappeared in the water on the left of Sulawesi island which happened on January 1st this year. Surely, the horizontal stabilizer was found by a fisherman and other pieces followed afterward along with the black box but we are certain that 96 passengers and 6 crews died on that flight because not even their dead bodies were found.

Another plane from another airline killed 21 passengers and 1 cabin crew on March 7th. The horror of the plane crash were horribly described by the survivors… "Suddenly there was smoke inside the fuselage, it hit the runway and then it landed in a rice field. I saw a foreigner. His clothes were on fire and I jumped from the emergency exit."

*WIDE smile* ~ *batting eyelashes*

Don’t worry our dearest passengers, I, on behalf of Scary Airline assure to get you all to your destination in pieces.

Our current destination is Jakarta — Sir? You’ve got question? Seatbelt you say? Oh! I’m sorry I should be explaining about how to put on our special seatbelts, yes…

So if you’ve noticed some colorful fabric we bought from a certain company who has gone bankrupt — whatchamacallit, a bit too much info — on your left and right side, those are the special seatbelts, you just need to tie them around your waist, it’s very simple even a chimpanzee could do it — Pardon me, Ma’am? It’s too short for you? See how I told you not to eat too much Pizza? OMG, and you’ve exceeded the allowed 14" ass width and we should fine you later for that — although we don’t suggest you to do so if you really want to enjoy the dodgiest flight ever in your whole life.

*cough*

There’s no explanation about the safety on plane so don’t bother to look for it, kid, and oh you lil bastard! How many times do I have to tell you not to turn on any kind of electronic devices on plane?!?!?!?
*breaks the window*
*throws out the gameboy*

…so, our Scary Airline obliges me to give you a lil complimentary tour to some of the most famous places and happenings in Indonesia.

Our current destination is Jakarta. In this capital city of Indonesia, there’s something you will never forget your whole life once you get into your cab, does anyone know what the answer is?
Yes!
It’s our infamous traffic jam.
You will get caught in the jam for hours because our govt are just either too stupid or too preoccupied corrupting — I dunno —that they aren’t able to make a decent and humane traffic for us.

And if you’re lucky, our lovely passengers, you will even encounter some burglars who will break your car windows and rob everything that you have — even your clothes — during the jam; they are the unpaid heroes of foreigners who are always trying their hardest to give just the right atmosphere to you all.

A bit north from the Java island is Kalimantan (Borneo) island (and the author of this blog is currently living there~) which is very infamous for the forest fire smog which has always been complained by our neighboring countries: Malaysia and Singapore. Luckily, the hot spots in Kalimantan are increasing which of course will enable you to take a sniff of the smog easily from every part in Indonesia. And if you have a very adventurous mind to explore the wilds of our island; we also encourage you to enjoy your time with our natives.

Earthquake is one of our most perilous happenings in Indonesia.
Scary Airline is planning to set up a race for all travelers who enjoy adrenalin-pumping trip on the heart of our quake spots. Contestants of two are legible to enter the tournament, shoot all your rivals to death while driving away from the quake spots. Some worthy rewards are available for the last men or women standing. (100 early birds will get iPod nano, terms and conditions apply, register now!)

Our surfer dudes and chicks, we’ve got wonderful news for you. I’m sure all of you must’ve been bored of surfing the same ol’ wave again and again.
In Indonesia, you will be able to experience something totally new and challenging…

The legendary Mega Tsunami!
Swim — real — fast and surf in the tunnel of wave created by this monstrous disaster!

A bit wise advice from Scary airline before you enter this perilous competition is that you should insure your life first, make a will, and don’t forget to make a donation to Scary Airline so that we can always worsen our service.

Now, should you’re still alive and have the chance to enjoy the unbelievably Indonesia we’ve got a Xmas special for you.
Enjoy tanning your pale skin on our extraordinaire beach and dance yourself out in the tropical night life in our lovely paradise island of Bali.
Some religion fanatic morons are always around Indonesia and they can never be content until they finally become martyrs of their so-called religion; the good part is that they never want to die alone, these suicidal bombers.
They will blast their handmade masterpiece in unexpected time and unexpected places; of course Bali is their favorite spot since they just seem to love foreigners so much that they’re always targeting you all and I know this is such good news for you all, but don’t get all excited just yet. The best thing about this is that we haven’t got any skilled demolition experts here and they wouldn’t have the time to stop the ’suicidal’ bombers if they should magically appear; all the fun you can get only in the paradise island of Indonesia.

If you’re still alive after this trip, we would be really glad if you don’t forget to tell all of your family and friends about the second-to-none greatness of our beloved country, Indonesia, and persuade them to come and visit this TRULY Asia.

We’ll be looking forward to flying with you again!
Love your patronage,
Ming
—Air Steward
P.S.

I didn’t get the goddamned job as accountant (4 tests, 3 interviews), they must’ve thought I overqualified or too hot to be hired… XD

Even if I did get the job I’d get (at most) US $100 per month (be VERY happy you’re not born here) working from 7 am to 4 pm, ah well, everything happens for a reason.

We still get frequent blackouts here from 8 am to 4 pm, 5 pm to 10 am the next day, and some blackout bonuses~

I’m wondering what job I should apply for next ~.~

I’m flying to Jakarta tomorrow (YAY! SHOPPING! XDDD) and will be back on 16th

No notebook, so don’t expect for my reply during this time~

As promised, Thursday, blog